Why Though?

This submission is the culmination of many years of regret and shame!

I went to university for game development, I always wanted to be a game developer. However it's been over a decade since I last did any game development and I did nothing of worth when I did. When I was younger I was full of pride. I was a good programmer, so when I wanted to make a game I didn't want to "take shortcuts" ... so inevitably many projects died because I tried to do everything from scratch! So many projects were abandoned when things got difficult. So many projects never even started because they weren't an amazing new idea that no one has ever done before!

I have now spent a very long time working professionally as a web developer, but I always look back in regret over never having created anything even closely resembling a game.

Now that I am older, I hope I have a little less pride and have come to realize that nobody creates an amazing game from scratch the first time they make a game. So two weeks ago I started learning PhaserJS, so I could use my Typescript knowledge, with the goal of just making something. However, while reading the Phaser By Example ebook there was a chapter on the importance of participating in game jams. When I was in school I always wanted to take part in a jam ... but I never did, usually out of fear. Fear that I wouldn't be able to do it, fear that my game wouldn't be good enough, fear that the experience would solidify the fact that I just don't have what it takes. So I swallowed that youthful pride and took a look at upcoming game jams here on itch.io and saw Bullet Hell V. Considering partaking in the jam I learned that I am very good at not doing something, that it's very easy for me to come up with a ton of reasons not to do something.

So here we are, I have participated in this jam doing everything pretty much the opposite of what I would normally do. I had no clue how to make a bullet hell game ... in fact I wasn't even really a fan of them myself. I had no grand ideas for how to make an amazing bullet hell game. So this isn't an amazing bullet hell game. Is it too short? Yes. Is it unoriginal? Absolutely. Is it a technological marvel? Nope. However unlike everything in my past ... it actually exists. It uses pre-made assets from an asset Humble Bundle I bought years ago and never did anything with. It is basically a very bad Touhou clone ... and I am so happy about it.

When the theme was announced I spent so long trying to think of something I could do with it, within my skill level. I even considered not doing the jam because I couldn't think of anything amazing ... it's funny how quick we can fallback to old habits. I guess I like to think that this game itself is a metaphor for the consequences of the decisions I have made in life ... but if you need a literal theme, then the consequences for getting hit by bullets is you lose? Is that a boring and uninspired use of the theme? Damn straight, and that's the point!

So if you've read this far into this rant ... thank you for listening. I hope you enjoyed playing the little game ... but if you didn't then that's okay! It took me a decade to realize that the expression "Rome wasn't built in a day" is a valid expression for a reason. My first "game" doesn't have to be an amazing original breakout hit from the start ... it just has to exist ... and now it does!